If there is no struggle, there is no progress. ~ Frederick Douglass
Change. I’m not good with it. Don’t roll with it. Don’t embrace it. However, it’s impossible to move forward without an occasional tweak to the status quo. Today is moving day, and I find myself sitting amongst the remains of what used to be, my writing space. I’m not leaving my home but the anxiety, which is driving my plethora of irrational fears to the forefront, begs to differ. The Girl and I decided that this was the perfect day to have her furniture moved into the space we’ve chosen to share—my house. Boxes were packed, furniture marked, movers hired, and all was right in our universe. And then, we began the overwhelming task of dismantling my home—the safe space where I have lived alone for over a decade. Let the panicking begin.
Over two decades of living with anxiety has caused me equal parts frustration and personal growth. The frustration creeps in when my routine, which has become the anchor that keeps my angst at bay, is altered. Who the heck goes into a tailspin because an appointment has to be changed from 7pm to 4pm? Me. Any deviation in plans, schedule, and especially my environment, carries the threat of causing the mother of all meltdowns. The fallout presents as a wide range of peculiar, and often unpredictable behaviors such as: sweating, pacing, incessant worrying, obsessive counting, and creating imaginary disaster scenarios. Let the good times roll. However, when all else fails, I have always found comfort by retreating to my safe space—home. This brings us back to the latest conundrum: my home, the place I seek out when I need to find my way back to center, is currently in shambles. [Read more…]