When Life Is Not A Beach

I live by the beach. Notice I did not say that I enjoy the beach, sit on the beach or Instagram pictures of my feet buried in the sand. No. My location is the result of an unfortunate situation fueled by an ill-fated plan concocted by, my parents. My father, who built the house, thought this would be the perfect spot for a first home. He never considered the fact that the house sits on a subdivided lot, which also means my neighbors are close enough to hear me break wind. I was ready to pack it in and move after the first year but, as usual, sheer laziness prevailed so here I sit. 18 years later, and still bitching. Read more…

Tattoo Nerd

Looks can be deceiving, and don’t let the tattoos fool you because I am a big, old nerd. I’ve been told that it appears I may have been recently paroled from women’s prison or have a sordid history involving heavy drug use. Both are simply, not true. Public reactions range from looks of shock and disgust to compliments, and questions about the artwork. My tattoo journey has been a long, slow, and sometimes painful road. However, I can honestly say: I have no regrets because each piece holds a unique place in my story. In this post, I’ve decided to share some details from my first tattoo experience. Hopefully, sharing my dumbassery will prevent others from making similar rookie mistakes. Read more…

Yes, I’m a Crappy Date

At the risk of sounding like a cranky, old battle-ax, I’ve decided to share the truth about why I am a terrible date. I use the term “date” loosely as my shortcomings are certainly applicable in a variety of interpersonal situations. Dating is simply where my actions tend to yield the most catastrophic results while also annihilating the possibility of future interactions. Allow me to explain.

Today is a beautiful autumn morning in the Northeast United States. The sun is shining, birds are singing, the temperature is a comfortable 55°F, and I’ve been invited to go pumpkin picking. Of course, my initial reaction is: why the hell should I traipse through a dirty pumpkin patch when I can snag a perfectly good pumpkin outside the grocery store? Forget the fact that it might actually be fun to step away from my computer, get some fresh air, and enjoy the company of others. Nope. I would rather talk myself out of it by grumbling about the dirt I’ll get all over my clothes and inevitably, track back inside the car. My mood worsens as I envision myself struggling to haul the oversized pumpkin across an open field without dropping it before I’ve paid for the damn thing. In my head, the day is a bust before I’ve even finished my morning coffee. Why? The truth is, I am without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass I know. Read more…

Please Press 1…

I hate wasting time. Correction: I can’t stand it when other people or absurd circumstances waste my time. As the self-proclaimed “Queen of Procrastination”, I have been known to waste significant blocks of time in the productivity department. I’m easily sucked into the black hole of YouTube, social media, and hanging out at the local coffee shop. Anything that distracts me from the task at hand will work. At the moment, there are a number of circumstances where my time is being held hostage but I’d like to focus on one particularly infuriating situation. My car. Read more…

Stop Being the Weak Link

It’s often said that we are only as strong as our weakest link. This thinking can be applied to just about any situation from a job, athletic team to those fractured parts of our personality that, when tested, can make us question every move we make. There will always be people who poke at our soft spots but the key to getting by is learning what makes you tick, and then, keep your ass moving forward. No rearview mirrors permitted.

Break it down. Most people are a compilation of insecurities, emotional battle scars, strengths, weaknesses, and egos that crave an occasional boost. Our mishmash of experiences, both good and bad, is what makes each of us an individual. Our perception of those experiences can be the driving force behind how we deal with challenging situations and especially, people. Read more…

Apple: Genius or Zombies?

My name is Stephanie, and I am a gadget junkie. If it blinks, chirps, chimes or requires a password, I want it. I think it’s safe to say that many of us have something that tugs at our wallet/purse strings, and sometimes, our logic. It can be anything from a hobby, collection or in some cases, phones. The Internet has been a flurry of activity regarding the recent iPhone launch so I’ve decided to examine the extreme behaviors of, the ijunkies. Read more…

Learning to Let Go

Be grateful. Stay positive. Smile.

These are a few helpful hints people tend to offer when you disclose that you’re navigating rough waters. I suppose some would say that finding the silver lining in any situation helps alleviate stress, and gets you to the other side. While I believe there is some merit to this school of thought, I also believe that being honest about your feelings, good or bad, can be quite cathartic. Why should we feel pressured to rattle off a list of things we’re grateful for when in fact, we feel like telling the world to go shit in its hat? Perhaps a few folks reading this might perceive me as the poster child for negativity but I assure you, I’m not. I believe in honesty, owning your feelings, learning to laugh, and letting go. Nothing is gained by keeping a tight lid on a boiling pot, so stop stuffing down things that piss you off just to avoid offending the happy police. Read more…

Always Use Protection…

“Laugh at Life. Speak your truth.”~ First line of my Twitter bio, and so far, a crock of shit.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if given the opportunity to choose my spirit animal it would be, a salmon. Those crazy fish that make the treacherous jaunt back to the spot where their fish parents left them as tiny eggs. They battle the elements, swim upstream, lay/fertilize eggs, and die. Yep. One grueling trip that requires so much effort, it ends their life. There are countless species of fish but these are the morons that choose to follow a path that is so exhausting, it kills them. Much about their behavior resonates with me vis-à-vis, how I navigate the waters of my own life. Allow me to explain. Read more…

Blogging From the Heart Writing Tour

I’ve been invited by my friend, PJ LaRue to participate in a blog tour called, Blogging From the Heart. For those of you who are not familiar with PJ or her work, you’ll want to make it a point to visit her sites. PJ’s first collection is a series of children’s books called, The Mystic Princesses. Recently, PJ branched out and published her latest book titled, After “I Do!” A Marriage Map. She is a versatile writer, great friend, and is always willing to offer a thoughtful, and honest opinion. I think she rocks, and you will too. Thanks again to PJ for inviting me along on this tour. Read more…

The Urge to Purge: Managing a Hoarder

I’ve been a bad social media friend. For the last week, my time on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc has been extremely limited. Hopefully, after reading this post, you’ll have a better picture of the madness I’ve been dealing with, and you’ll definitely be happy you aren’t me.

I’ve made no secret about the fact that my mother is a hoarder. She keeps everything. Although her house is neat, clean, and organized, there isn’t even enough open space for someone to fart comfortably. And if you tempt fate, and open a closet, you better have a free hand to catch any falling boxes or they’ll land on your head. Believe me, I’m not kidding. Read more…