Winter: A Time To Celebrate Laziness

Summer is for beach lovers. It’s also a favorite of kids, who rejoice at the close of another school year along with teachers, and parents, who get a break from the madness. It’s all fun, sun, pools, and Instagram shots of toes in the sand. We even toss in a few holidays that offer extended weekends for good measure. Then comes fall with its crisp air, foliage, apple picking, and pumpkin mania. And of course we can’t forget Halloween with its massive candy haul, and consequent sugar coma. The weather is still quite mild, and there is enough daylight to ward off the threat of seasonal affective disorders. Spring brings birds chirping from the trees, blooming flowers, and the promise of warmer temperatures. It also marks the end of what has seemingly become the most loathed season of the year. Winter. Read more…

Banned Items and Childhood Disasters

This weekend oozed of awesomeness: kids in costumes, scary movie marathons, leftover candy, and an extra hour of sleep. Jackpot. In the spirit of turning back time, and staying true to my revisions that force me to revisit childhood memories, I thought I’d try a retro-themed writing exercise. Today I will share my most-memorable disasters that involve items that were banned by my father.

My father has never been one to hold back when he has an opinion. And regardless of his reasoning, once he handed down a ruling, there was no opportunity for a debate. Here’s some sample items that were inexplicably banned by my father: bubble gum, boat shoes, bacon, licorice, skateboards, boom boxes, and all musical instruments. However, my mother always gave my grandmother the green light, permitting us to have these things while under her care. This is an accusation she vehemently denies, even to this day. Read more…

Halloweenies 2014

Happy Halloween, friends. For those of you new to the blog, this may be your first time meeting the Halloweenies. Each year, Chip and Autumn endure 3-5 agonizing minutes so I can grab a few shots of them in costume. I’ll be honest: they hate it. They whine, burp, fart, try to rip the costumes off but mostly, they wait for treats. I promise you that this is the only time of the year when you will see my little cherubs in clothing of any kind. And yes, treats were shared generously, as promised, in return for their semi-cooperation. I hope you get a chuckle from our little session, and no animals were harmed during filming. Enjoy and have a safe, happy Halloween. Read more…

When Life Is Not A Beach

I live by the beach. Notice I did not say that I enjoy the beach, sit on the beach or Instagram pictures of my feet buried in the sand. No. My location is the result of an unfortunate situation fueled by an ill-fated plan concocted by, my parents. My father, who built the house, thought this would be the perfect spot for a first home. He never considered the fact that the house sits on a subdivided lot, which also means my neighbors are close enough to hear me break wind. I was ready to pack it in and move after the first year but, as usual, sheer laziness prevailed so here I sit. 18 years later, and still bitching. Read more…

Tattoo Nerd

Looks can be deceiving, and don’t let the tattoos fool you because I am a big, old nerd. I’ve been told that it appears I may have been recently paroled from women’s prison or have a sordid history involving heavy drug use. Both are simply, not true. Public reactions range from looks of shock and disgust to compliments, and questions about the artwork. My tattoo journey has been a long, slow, and sometimes painful road. However, I can honestly say: I have no regrets because each piece holds a unique place in my story. In this post, I’ve decided to share some details from my first tattoo experience. Hopefully, sharing my dumbassery will prevent others from making similar rookie mistakes. Read more…

Yes, I’m a Crappy Date

At the risk of sounding like a cranky, old battle-ax, I’ve decided to share the truth about why I am a terrible date. I use the term “date” loosely as my shortcomings are certainly applicable in a variety of interpersonal situations. Dating is simply where my actions tend to yield the most catastrophic results while also annihilating the possibility of future interactions. Allow me to explain.

Today is a beautiful autumn morning in the Northeast United States. The sun is shining, birds are singing, the temperature is a comfortable 55°F, and I’ve been invited to go pumpkin picking. Of course, my initial reaction is: why the hell should I traipse through a dirty pumpkin patch when I can snag a perfectly good pumpkin outside the grocery store? Forget the fact that it might actually be fun to step away from my computer, get some fresh air, and enjoy the company of others. Nope. I would rather talk myself out of it by grumbling about the dirt I’ll get all over my clothes and inevitably, track back inside the car. My mood worsens as I envision myself struggling to haul the oversized pumpkin across an open field without dropping it before I’ve paid for the damn thing. In my head, the day is a bust before I’ve even finished my morning coffee. Why? The truth is, I am without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass I know. Read more…

Please Press 1…

I hate wasting time. Correction: I can’t stand it when other people or absurd circumstances waste my time. As the self-proclaimed “Queen of Procrastination”, I have been known to waste significant blocks of time in the productivity department. I’m easily sucked into the black hole of YouTube, social media, and hanging out at the local coffee shop. Anything that distracts me from the task at hand will work. At the moment, there are a number of circumstances where my time is being held hostage but I’d like to focus on one particularly infuriating situation. My car. Read more…

Stop Being the Weak Link

It’s often said that we are only as strong as our weakest link. This thinking can be applied to just about any situation from a job, athletic team to those fractured parts of our personality that, when tested, can make us question every move we make. There will always be people who poke at our soft spots but the key to getting by is learning what makes you tick, and then, keep your ass moving forward. No rearview mirrors permitted.

Break it down. Most people are a compilation of insecurities, emotional battle scars, strengths, weaknesses, and egos that crave an occasional boost. Our mishmash of experiences, both good and bad, is what makes each of us an individual. Our perception of those experiences can be the driving force behind how we deal with challenging situations and especially, people. Read more…

Apple: Genius or Zombies?

My name is Stephanie, and I am a gadget junkie. If it blinks, chirps, chimes or requires a password, I want it. I think it’s safe to say that many of us have something that tugs at our wallet/purse strings, and sometimes, our logic. It can be anything from a hobby, collection or in some cases, phones. The Internet has been a flurry of activity regarding the recent iPhone launch so I’ve decided to examine the extreme behaviors of, the ijunkies. Read more…

Learning to Let Go

Be grateful. Stay positive. Smile.

These are a few helpful hints people tend to offer when you disclose that you’re navigating rough waters. I suppose some would say that finding the silver lining in any situation helps alleviate stress, and gets you to the other side. While I believe there is some merit to this school of thought, I also believe that being honest about your feelings, good or bad, can be quite cathartic. Why should we feel pressured to rattle off a list of things we’re grateful for when in fact, we feel like telling the world to go shit in its hat? Perhaps a few folks reading this might perceive me as the poster child for negativity but I assure you, I’m not. I believe in honesty, owning your feelings, learning to laugh, and letting go. Nothing is gained by keeping a tight lid on a boiling pot, so stop stuffing down things that piss you off just to avoid offending the happy police. Read more…